This week has been one of the most important weeks for me. I found out which school my daughter has got into and until the letter arrived, I had no idea how important this was to me. We applied for the top school in the county, which is a dedicated and very successful girls school that cares so much for its students. It promotes individuality and is so in line with my values, however there are about 50 applications for each place. I was prepared to home school or even move back up North if she did not get in. The other schools I looked at just did not offer the sort of environment that I thought would suit her. Today I opened the letter and saw the words Northampton School for Girls. I have to say, I just burst into tears...it was very shocking and not at all what I had expected. I mean the crying, not the place. I had no idea how much emphasis I had placed on this; I know teenagers and I know the impact on their future that their environment and company has. I am totally delighted and feel that this school will give my child the best possible start in life because lets face it, real life starts at secondary school. Her dreams of becoming a forensic scientist may yet come true!
I think this was made all the more important by having a week of GCSE, so much so that I feel like I am sitting them! I have launched my new Success Club in a few schools and have had numerous pleas from parents whose children are not doing so well.
This got me thinking, when it comes to exams what do teenager really need to be a success? After working with many teenagers here is what I have learnt.
1. Success is a choice - no one has made it for them, they have to want it and they have to choose it. As a parent, all you can do here is remind them of the choices they make and the impact they may be having. If they choose to say Yes to their friends and No to revision, then what may they be saying no to later on? Let me give you an example. I was recently working with a teenager who wants to be a pilot. Now I know enough to know that pilots are the cream of the crop and anything less than that is not good enough. When we started working together, he just said, “You know what, I can’t be bothered!” I said that this was fine and that it was his choice, however he should realize that by saying yes to an easy life, he was saying no to his dream of becoming a pilot. After a complete look of horror, he decided that indeed he was not happy to say no to his dream, so we are now working on a revision plan.
2. The Big Why - teenagers must know why they are doing something in order to really excel in it. What is it that they really want, perhaps their Big Why is a Ferrari - what is it, why do they really want to do well? For me it was working in the U.S., that was my driver...what is it for them?
3. They need a system - we must remember that teenager really must be told what to do and how to do it and more often than not, especially when it comes to studying, you need to support them in working out a system that works for them. Ask if they need any help and then support them as much as you can.
4. They need to know their learning style - without this they will be making things so much more difficult for themselves.
5. It needs to be fun and they need to be rewarded. Help them to inject fun into their revision. Could you make up a history game show or something that will support them in learning? While they are studying, treat them - get their favorite foods.
6. Take the pressure off - your child has enough already so allow them time off, stop nagging and do fun things with them.
Other things you also need to think about are their study environments and if that is conducive to what they are trying to do, the food they are eating and if that is helping them (I have put some info below for you) and also take into account their personality and how this might impact the way they study.
If you have a teenager that is just not interested then in my experience, when you take the pressure off they generally make the right choice for themselves. There is nothing you can do to make them study; yes, you may bribe them but is that how real life works? What will happen when they have no bribes? All you can do is encourage, support and remind them of the choices they are making. This is a real learning opportunity for them and they have to learn how to handle themselves.
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