1- Could you please introduce yourself in a few lines: age, profession ...
I am 44 years old. I am a Time Mgmt & Productivity Coach and the President/Owner of Systems-Driven, Inc., a company that retails a product I created called The Grade-Maker, a system that helps students, parents and teachers become partners for stress-free success at school, at home and in life using custom checklists. As a single mom, I developed the program for my two ADHD sons, Ryan (16) and Dustin (13), then later discovered it was something every parent could use while supporting their middle-school and high-school aged children and teens.
2- Can you explain to me in which circumstances you came to coaching? And how you came to Sarah?
I joined Sarah Newton's "Parent as Coach" teleclass at www.teleclass.com with the intent of learning helpful tips for myself as a single mom with two teens, as well as learning information that would be of value to my Grade-Maker clients, who are oftentimes parents with teens. I saw it as a wise investment of my time from a personal and professional standpoint. Little did I realize that day just how profoundly my life and my relationship with my teens would change, especially with my oldest son, Ryan. In retrospect, I feel like I was given a second chance with Ryan.
3- What does or did coaching bring to you? or to your relatives?
One 60-minute telecourse with Sarah Newton caused me to embark on a journey with my sons that I have yet to tame. It is a wild, adventurous ride and, over the past three months, I have come to accept the fact that the outcome may not be what I ever expected in a million years, but it is perfect just as it is. I am more at peace with myself and my sons than I have ever been, in spite of one devastating and disappointing situation after another. In a nutshell, I have fully embraced the fact that I cannot change my sons, nor do I want to. I can only change my reaction to them ~ and when I do, it is a priceless gift to my sons, my self and the world.
4- Can you describe briefly how a session is?
Sessions for me have looked a number of different ways, depending upon my needs. I'm a highly motivated individual. I'm a huge believer in keeping the past out of my present and of bringing my future into my "here 'n now." I enjoy living in the moment and staying in forward motion. Having been trained as a coach myself, I get the value of coaching; I'm totally sold on it. Therefore, it's quite successful for me to attend a telecourse, get what I get, implement it and request support from Sarah and her "coaching community" as needed. She has ALWAYS been there for me, without fail, morning, noon and night. Should I desire to take coaching to a deeper level, I simply schedule a call with her assistant. For example, Sarah Newton and I plan to join another personal life coach via a bridge line (or thee way phone call) for a special "Purpose" call. I preferred to experience that particular session in a small setting. The options are limitless. I simply pick and choose the style of coaching that works for me ~ Coaching A la Carte! As a matter of fact, I got extreme value just from spending a few hours in the wee hours of the morning awhile back reading all of Sarah's "Rebel with a Cause" articles on her website. That was every bit as tangible and helpful as other coaching experiences I've had. As life would have it, we plan to meet in person in Portland, Oregon when I graduate from the Parent as Coach Academy in February 2004. It's always a small world, isn't it? Anything is doable in the coaching arena if people will stop moaning and groaning long enough to look at their options and take advantage of a few of them!
5- Do you think coaching can really be useful to help teenagers? Or other people meeting difficulties? If the case, in which ways?
I absolutely, positively believe it is helpful for teens as well as adults. I remember the day I shared with Ryan an extract from Diana Haskins "Parent as Coach" book that was basically a thank you letter from teens to their parents. At first he was skeptical about the coaching I was involved with, until he read that letter. He was clearly touched, moved and inspired by it. He commented that he totally agreed with the letter. He was equally impressed that an adult "discovered" this truth about teens and actually printed it for other adults to read in a book. It created a different listening for him of adults. Teens desperately need support from signicant adults in their life, a coach would certainly fall into that category. They long to be heard, respected, admired and appreciated. A parent can and should be providing that level of support for their teen, as could a coach. Who doesn't enjoy receiving lots of attention from people who truly care about them and have our best life in mind? The more the merrier, I say.
I can testify to the difference a coach has made for me and many other adults I have known. I have every reason to believe it is equally powerful for teens. I'm not a teen and I don't pretend to understand what they are going through in this world we live in. I honor them for who they are and they are no different than you or I. Every one needs someone to come along side of them and see things from their perspective every now and again. I think a coach can do that in ways that a parent can't sometimes, because parents are too wounded and weary from their relationship with their teen. How wonderful if the teen can get the support that he or she needs from a teen coach until that same coach can assist the adult. Before you know it, they will both relate to one another differently ~ and thus the cylce evolves.
6- Have you got a successful example or story to give?
Personally, I stand amazed at my own situation. I'm a mom who is (and always has been) extremely committed to being a part of my sons lives, up close and personal, and I still "lost" my sixteen year old to drugs and crime. Thanks to Sarah, my relationship with Ryan, my sixteen year old, was salvaged; but the consequences of his bad decisions are irrevocable. He is sitting at the Juvenile Detention Center as we speak, facing a sentence as an adult for trafficing marijuana. What I find the most interesting, however, is that in recent past my son has done more things that are considered "bad" or "wrong" by our world's standards than he has ever done in his life, yet I can honestly tell you that I respect him, admire him, deeply appreciate him and listen to him MORE than I ever have. I will not say that I love him more, because I do not. I have always loved him with all my heart and soul, but my disappointment with him over his poor decisions and choices impacted my ability to relate to him the way I wanted to as his mother. This grieved me deeply, yet I felt helpless to reverse the process. My heart was pierced with pain.
Prior to Sarah's coaching, I wrestled severely with feeling like Ryan was a loser, a liar, a con artist, a master manipulator. As horrendous as it sounds, it's true. I could not seem to let go of it, or get off of it ~ no matter how much I tried. I felt so weary, sad, disappointed and alone in the matter. Then something shifted the day I joined Sarah's teleclass. I can't describe it. I have no explanation for it. I can only tell you that it happened and it was so real that I'm convinced my life with my sons will never be the same. When I keep things simple, I believe I had a breakthrough in my perspective of my sons and of our present circumstances. In a moment's time, when life was at its worst and it felt as if all hope for our family was gone, Hope broke through. It was a Divine Appointment. I determined on Sarah's teleclass that there was nothing that I wanted more than a relationship with my sons and I was willing to give up whatever I had to give up to have one. Control. Being the boss. Being right. Looking good. Whatever! Nothing was more important to me than being in an intimate relationship with my sons.
There are too many examples to site about what has taken place since I met Sarah Newton three short months ago. My son hugs me. He kisses me. He tells me he loves me and I reciprocate, of course. It's priceless! And, guess what, all of that has transpired between Ryan and I without one single thing changing for the better as far as his behavior. He still misuses drugs. He still deals. He still gets angry at the drop of a hat and says hurtful things. He is still expulsed from public school. His still headed toward a state residential program in two short weeks for as long as one and a half years. My dreams of cheering him on at a football or basketball game are over. My hopes for pictures of him with a beautiful young woman on his arm for prom night are shattered. The joy I would have felt watching him receive his high school diploma are gone. Yet, when I look at him now, sitting across from him at the cold stainless steel table at the Juvenile Detention Center, I still see an awesome kid who is full of potential. Who can put a price tag on that? I would encourage parents everywhere, from the bottom of my heart, to rethink what matters most in their life and let go of whatever they need to let go of to experience this kind of peace and joy with their teen. As far as I'm concerned, the best is yet to come for Ryan and I.
"My slightly Jaundiced view of this "American Fad" withered when I spoke to Chris, who lives in the United States, but is one of Sarah's clients" The Independent
