I'm 38 years old, have been a nurse for 16 years and a single mother for 15. I have a wonderful son, who floundered everywhere in his life upon entering his first year of high school. He was lost socially, intimidated academically and was lost in the cracks of the school's systems. He was suspended in the second semester for 9 days, pending expulsion, for fighting.
When I met with the school authorities, they spoke of my son as being very violent and angry. This did not match his history, as he had never fought at school, at home, or in the neighbourhood prior to this school year. At my request, the principal gathered written reports from all of his teachers and every single report stated that his was not a behavioural problem in any way. They all stated concern over his not being motivated and seemingly being "lost".
After much struggle and effort, the school did cancel his "violent" label but had very little to offer as help. At this point, after calling and talking repeatedly to everyone I could, I received a tip suggesting I check for drug use. I did not have any suspicions, but immediately checked and he showed positive for marijuana. He had an cd eval and went to a therapist.
The answers from both of these were very scary---he was addicted to marijuana and using heavily, on school grounds and property. I was shocked! I called the parents of everyone I knew he was associated with to inform them of our situation and was horrified at the response. They didn't seem to care! None of them availed themselves of the use of free drug testing my doctor offered to all of the school's students. I was so upset and horrified. The school counsellors estimated that 75% of the students are using drugs at that school. They said this particular freshman class was the worst they had ever seen. And they wrung their hands.
One of the families involved ended up being suppliers, with histories of known narcotic trafficking. This was all learned from my personal research and effort. I found that there were no resources offered to me by those I was pleading for help from. I decided to send my son to Aspen Achievement Academy- a wilderness program in Utah with an excellent reputation. It was the most devastating decision of my life and yet I felt, and still do, that it was necessary to give my son the space and help he needed to chose again, hopefully not what I had come to see as the status quo of this system. He had a hard time at the program for a while but he now talks of it freely with anyone and has tremendous pride in his accomplishment. He delved deeply into himself and our family and now views it as one of the most powerful experiences of his life. He has said many times that he grew to love it there.
It was during this time, while he was away, that I found Coaching 4 Teens. They were & are a godsend. I was in desperate need for compassionate support that affirmed my son as an individual and I found it with them!! I listened to the calls, I had personal sessions with Sarah, I read over and over all the email information, I read the book, etc. Every bit of it supported me fully. I even recommended their services to the administration at Aspen, hoping they would relay this to other parents that were in need as I was.
I was able, through the coaching, to view our situation with love, with compassion, with optimism. I even became grateful for it all! My love for my son deepened in a profound way and my respect for him has magnified hundredfold! And, I was able to share this with him!! His esteem for himself has increased and he has used what he learned to assist others! I am happy to say that he is drug free and has communicated his commitment to that to his entire old "crowd". Even more amazingly, they responded that they respected that. He was surprised!! They still continue the old pattern and now he has chosen to live in another city, with his father. He is starting a new school & establishing new friends. The beautiful part is that it is through all of this that he was able to open up about his feelings, his feelings about everything! He initiated some impactful discussions with his Dad and they have begun to relate differently.
His Dad told him that he wanted to be a part of his life and those were words he thought he would never hear. No longer just in an elusive, imaginary relationship of a longing boy, but real and tangibly sharing their lives. I speak with my son daily on the phone and he is very happy and says he is doing "incredible". He is looking forward to starting his new job after school next week. I, believe it or not, am very happy too. It was difficult to have my son move so far from me to be with his Dad, but our relationship has remained close and loving. I was able to hear what he needed and longed for and allow him that experience without getting in the way. I now have more of my son because he has more of himself!!
I truly believe that it was the coaching that ignited my process of being able to embrace my son, in his entirety, and for him to honour himself enough to be present for his life and to fully experience it. I am so grateful that my experiences have brought learning, love, and growth because I was frightened, horrified and helpless. I had no idea the realities were as harsh as those we encountered and I am incredibly compassionate toward the teens that I meet. Their road is just plain hard in so many ways. I would love to see the coaching reach every single teen in the world and all those that are involved in their lives in any way! It is such an unbelievable need of widespread proportions. I see it every day.
" Sarah has an amazing ability to engage with teens and to help them overcome the issue they struggle with. Trust her! " Carolyn and Ian Matheson
